I’m in Buenos Aires now, the Paris of South America.  No one speaks French.

My neighborhood is roughly in Palermo SOHO.  There’s no Houston St in Buenos Aires.

The Argentines don’t worry about details.

Here’s a quick screen adaptation of how I arrived here in BsAs.

How Derick Came to Be in Argentina

Scene 1:

Location: Christopher St, New York

Derick walks out of his apartment building with four very large bags, a coffee, and a muffin and begins lumbering down the street in search of a Taxi.  Being kind of a cheapskate, he would rather walk 100 feet in closer to his destination than wait patiently for a Taxi.

A red-ish car pulls up next to Derick.  It’s old. Maybe older than Derick. There’s a man inside.  He’s got some crazy hair, but he’s smiling.  It does not look safe.

Man: Hey man, you need a ride somewhere?

Derick: Sure do!  I’m heading to Penn Station, you?

Man: Yeah, I think that’s sort of on my way, hop in.  I’m Dwight.

Derick: I’m Derick, nice to meet you Dwight.

Derick gets in, but instead of putting his bags in the back, decides to keep all of them up front with him.  He’s crammed and contorted into the front seat.

Dwight: I decided to pick you up because I saw Roger Clemens crossing the street once.

Derick: Well I appreciate it, Dwight.  Can I offer you my muffin and coffee as a thanks?

Dwight: Not at all, it’s really no problem.

Dwight was an awesome guy.

Scene 2:

10 hour layover in Mexico, D.F.

Mariachi band playing.

Derick has heard lots of advice about keeping safe in Mexico, D.F.  There are kidnappings, robberies, and rapes, from what he hears.  Luckily, being a giant white man-boy with goofy shoes and a fancy bookbag helps him blend in with the 5’6” Mexican population.

Derick explores the subway line (not interesting), the streets (moderately interesting), a museum (also not interesting), the main square (“Zocalo”- picture the old jeep covered in dirt with the words “WASH ME” carved into the dust- That’s Zocalo - totally functional and fun to see, but damn, somone give that place a bath), and enjoys a XX with a pile of meat and avocado. Mexico is aight.

Scene 3:

Flight to BsAs

Big people don’t fit in small seats. Derick fears he may have caught Montezuma’s Revenge.  End Scene.

Scene 4:

BUENOS AIRES

Derick arrives, everyone in the airport is tangoing.  Derick discovers that he does not know Spanish.  This makes him sad.  Derick finds Apt rental company.

Broker: Hello.  I’m here to help you get into your apartment.

Derick: Thanks!  That sounds bueno.

Broker: I should also mention that Brokers in Argentina are just as evil as those in the US.

Derick: Good to know.

Many hours, much confusion and a whole lot of inconvenience later, Derick has a home.

Scene 5:

Empieza la fiesta.